Mowing the Lawn with You

Dear Fibro,

As you know, you’re flaring up right now. You’re in what seems like a jittery fit of temper because I tried to mow the lawn, which might have gone alright (we usually survive it together, don’t we?) except that tonight, the mower ran out of gas, and then I flooded it accidentally when trying to refill it, and then I was wrestling trying to start it again and then being the crazy neighbor trying to at least quickly weed wack the tallest weeds in my lawn when I realized the mower wasn’t going to come around . . . I’m sure I must have looked silly.

I would have just waited except that the next couple of days are busy & then I’ll be away for the weekend, but my-oh-my . . . you didn’t like any of that, did you? Now my arms are shaky, and aching deeply in your trigger areas, and I’ve broken out an ice pack to help calm the nerves that seem to be freaking out.

At one point, toward the end of our mower adventure, you shot a jolt of pain through my arm that almost brought me to tears. Part of me thought I should stop, but I’m also trying to stand up for myself, for my sense of desire to still be able to “manage” things without your interference. I’m still trying to learn where the line is . . . and still trying to come to grips with the fact that sometimes it’s just not going to be where I want it to be.

– Nicole

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