I’ve been doing some thinking about the years before I knew your name. I knew that I felt tired all the time and had a lot of aches and pains, but I either attributed them to the fact that I was overweight or sometimes berated myself, thinking that I was just weaker or lazier than ‘normal’ people. I’ll tell you honestly that I still sometimes find it difficult not to blame myself for the challenges you bring. After all, you’re right inside of me, so intimately linked with all of my emotions, desires, choices and actions . . . and sometimes I forget that.
Some days it’s so hard, still, to say, “I didn’t get that done because of Fibro,” because I feel like I should somehow be stronger than you, or I worry that I’m just using you as an excuse for my own weakness of character. But it’s becoming a little clearer, day-by-day, to see where you end and I begin. I’m just really hoping that the line will always stay visible, even if I have to work to see it, even if I have to slow myself down a bit mentally and remind myself to look for it.
I need to remember who I am, at the core, apart from you.